i permit you to call me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
