I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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