Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
