We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
