Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
