wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
