in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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