My room smells like vodka and shame
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
