Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
