You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
