my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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