dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
