just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
