how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
