Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize