I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
