i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
