another moral hangover. fuck.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
