I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There r osticjed everywhere
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
