Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
