Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize