Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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