I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There's even glitter on my cock...
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