found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
