my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
