i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize