Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
