So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
