How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
