ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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