He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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