Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
PS: I just woke up from my shower
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
