At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
