i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
