She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize