if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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