im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
