i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
