hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize