Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
