she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
