I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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