I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
