At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
