Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
