Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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