And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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