I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
