Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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