i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
