i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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