I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
