i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
