I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
