I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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