sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
