So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize