weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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