I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
