well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
