At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
