He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize