I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
