Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
