but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think people are normalizing furries
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
