i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
