I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
