Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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