I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
