Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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