I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize