Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
