shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
