her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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