I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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