party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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