Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
