I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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