Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
