Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
