Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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