Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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