My room smells like vodka and shame
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
