I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
