I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not ubering you a puppy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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