Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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