Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have post one night stand depression
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
