Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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