They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
