No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
