Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
