I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
