My nipple is on Facebook.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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