I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
