I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
