Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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