You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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