i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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