I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
