That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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