SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
