bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
