i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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