when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
