i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
